Could someone edit my narrative essay? “Narrative” meaning it’s actually kind of interesting…?
Question by mysfiction: Could someone edit my narrative essay? “Narrative” meaning it’s actually kind of interesting…?
“Love, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. But sometimes under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to it’s roots, keeping itself alive.” When I read this quote for the first time I thought of my boyfriend, Neale. I thought of the challenges we will face and realized that love is often unexpected, unpredictable, and a lot of work.
I decided I wouldn’t fall in love that summer. I was tired of searching for a good guy and finding nothing. I would date around, flirt, and have fun but no relationships. Then the unexpected happened. I met a guy that was worth it. He was my stepsister’s friend, two years older than me, a graduating senior. “You don’t have a chance,” that’s what I thought at first, so I didn’t even try to gain his attention. Then one night he commented a few pictures on my homepage and that was that. A movie date or two and we were inseparable. Love is so easy when it’s new. Nothing can stop you, not distance nor age nor disapproving parents. For a few weeks he was everything I wanted and needed. Perfection personified. I didn’t love him yet, but it was in the works. The feeling of newfound happiness, that’s the rain that drenched us. But love is not always so easy.
Like the quote says, “the angry heat of life” can change love. After being together for two weeks I was back home in Vegas and he was still in Louisiana, awaiting the beginning of his military career. He broke up with me. He called me one day and said, “I miss you too much, the distance is just too much. You understand right?” I didn’t. I didn’t understand at all. If he missed me that much, why would he end it? But what was I going to do? “I understand,” I whispered as I tried not to let him hear me cry, ” goodbye Neale.” Life presents us with challenges. Death, money, time, rules, society, family, and distance; these are the most common challenges I’ve seen. There are so many obstacles to get around. Sometimes we make it through without a hitch. Sometimes we don’t make it through at all and that part of our life is just left on a shelf and never picked up again. Most of the time we stumble through and never really know if we’ve made it or not. I questioned it for a whole month, “were we supposed to be together or is it best that we broke up?”
Mid-July I got my answer. All it took was a simple song to reconnect us. His profile song was sad, and even though he hurt me, I hated to know he might feel that way. So I left him a comment, “I don’t know what’s going on and I’m not asking to, but your song makes me sad, so whatever it is, I hope you feel better soon.” And just like that he was back in my life, I missed him more than ever. I was flying back to my dad’s in two weeks, I’d be there for a whole month, get to say goodbye when he left for basic training. One week before I left we got back together officially. He called me “my baby” and I asked him, “am I yours?” “Yeah. Yeah you are,” he said. Once again, we were standing in the rain together, in that soaking joy. That month passed incredibly fast. We went to the movies, snuck kisses when parents weren’t around, played video games until he had to leave. Halo had never been more fun than it was when I was playing against him. He sang and played the song “Home” on his guitar.
One night we looked at the stars together but most nights we just hung out with my step siblings and cousins. I could list so many memories. Simple ones, not monumental at all, but so very important to me. We were close friends, yet so much more.
Before long it was the last time we’d see each other and he was leaving for basic the next day. Life was giving us another challenge. But this time it was even worse, not only was there distance, but there was also a loss of communication. Almost 4 weeks passed before he was able to send me his address and even then, letters could never replace his voice. The difference between the last time I flew home and this one is that we made it through. Basic training is over as of October 8th and while our love may have “dried on the surface” it’s still “tending to it’s roots” very nicely.
The rest of the world may not see us holding hands between classes, my family might not see him at every family gathering, and some people don’t even know we’re in love with each other. But just because the signs aren’t there on the surface, doesn’t mean that there isn’t something growing below it.
My experiences, as limited as they may be, have taught me that while newfound love is a wonderful thing, sometimes the person you fall for, just isn’t ready to catch you. When they don’t catch you, and you’re left sitting on the floor, confused about what happened, they always have the ability to walk back and help you up. And simply holding on to the one you love isn’t enough; you have to be able to hold yourself up. Like the weather, love is unpredictable. Even the most seasoned meteorologist gets a surprise every now and then.
Answer by night_wolf_ice
Well it looks like you proofread it before because I didn’t see any grammatical or spelling errors. I would change a thing. Your imagery is very vivid. and your feelings for Neale are personified expertly. Phenomenal work. P.S. this was really long for a yahoo! answers question. I hope I’m not the only one to answer.
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